How To Get Over Relationship Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: Getting Therapy Online
If you or someone you know is constantly mulling over whether their current relationship will end or ruminating about a past relationship, you may ask yourself, "Is this normal?" Mourning the loss of a recent breakup or excessively gushing over a partner in a new relationship is not atypical; however, when the obsessions become too consuming, or too much focus on the relationship or other person in the relationship affects your daily functioning, there may be more to the story.
In this article, we address a condition called relationship obsessive-compulsive disorder (ROCD). We’ll describe the symptoms of this real condition before explaining how ROCD is diagnosed and treated, as well as what you can do to support those struggling with ROCD.
What is relationship obsessive-compulsive disorder (ROCD)?
Relationship OCD involves interference with daily activities and life skills due to a complete focus on the relationship or the other partner's relationship. People with ROCD may experience fears and reluctancies about their relationship, obsessing over whether their partner is the right fit for them, attracted to them, and other quandaries. They may assign disproportionate meaning or value to certain events, such as when they imagine having sex with a person who is not their partner. Even a fleeting thought might prompt them to wonder if they are truly attracted to their own partner.
ROCD compulsions, on the other hand, may stem from the aforementioned obsessions and often lead the person to experience more doubt, distress, or tension. Examples of commonly observed ROCD compulsions include:
- Seeking constant reassurance of their partner’s love
- Using sex as a means to test their enduring attraction to their partner
- Maintaining boundaries and distance to avoid feeling hurt when a relationship ends
- Comparing their partner to previous partners or other people
- Flirting with other people in order to test their attraction to their partner
- Ending a relationship prematurely because they’re afraid it might not work out
According to the National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI), people who have ROCD may exhibit low mood, depression, preoccupation with obsessive thoughts and obsessions, other OCD symptoms, and compulsive behaviors. What makes these symptoms unique with this type of OCD is that these behaviors, beliefs, obsessions, and assumptions have to do with romantic relationships. ROCD is a fairly new condition not officially included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th Edition); however, it is considered a legitimate form of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
How is ROCD diagnosed?
When you meet with a licensed clinical professional to diagnose this type of OCD, you'll be presented with a series of tests that will let your clinician know if the OCD symptoms you've been exhibiting are because of an actual diagnosis of ROCD. During the second stage of diagnosis, a clinician will present you with an ROCD test. You'll be presented with a questionnaire with a few behavioral symptoms listed in the DSM-5.
The level two assessment for OCD and related diagnosis is called the Repetitive Thoughts and Behaviors Inventory (RTBI). Mental health treatment providers use this five-question assessment to assess your mental capacity. They can use the RTBI for clients suspected of having ROCD or other disorders to measure the severity of their symptoms.
The RTBI measures the number of positive and negative responses to target questions related to OCD symptoms such as unwanted repetitive thoughts, urges, images, obsessions, or feeling compelled to perform certain behaviors over and over. The severity of OCD symptoms is measured by the amount of time these activities have taken from the client's life, how much distress the client (or their relationship counterpart) is being caused, the amount of control the client feels they have over the situation, and success or failure of attempts made to stop or mitigate maladaptive behaviors that produce negative outcomes with no outside support.
Your therapist, counselor, licensed clinical social worker, or other qualified clinician will discuss the results with you. Based on your results on the RTBI and other combined factors, your clinician will give you their final assessment of your potential OCD condition. If they feel that you're exhibiting symptoms that fall in line with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) that only apply to your intimate relationships, they will probably determine that you have ROCD.
Can you cure relationship OCD?
Now that you have gotten the answer to "What is relationship obsessive-compulsive disorder?" and received a diagnosis, the next step is to seek treatment to help you learn to live with this type of OCD and mitigate the symptoms. ROCD is not something you can necessarily "get over." It is a mental health condition that requires treatment and monitoring, much like any chronic mental health disorders or physical health conditions like heart disease or bronchitis.
The goal of ROCD treatment is to provide relief from symptoms and an overall improvement in your life quality. You may live with relationship OCD for the rest of your life. This doesn't mean that you have to let it control you. The following are common treatments used for this type of OCD.
Psychotherapy treatment for ROCD
Talk therapy is usually the main component of most mental health treatment plans. The goal of talk therapy using modalities like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is to educate clients on identifying the behaviors and triggers that aggravate the symptoms of their disorders.
During talk therapy sessions with licensed counselors, ROCD clients learn what's behind their specific symptoms of the disorder and new strategies for mitigating those symptoms by deliberate changes in behavior, including the possibility of adding daily psychiatric medications into their lives.
Medication therapy for ROCD
Following a physical exam, a series of lab tests, and a psychological evaluation, your licensed mental health care provider may deem it necessary for you to take medication to manage your ROCD. Antidepressants and other psychiatric medications may be prescribed if your mental health care professional feels it's warranted.
A critical component of successfully managing this type of OCD symptoms often involves committing to taking prescribed medications and applying new life skills and behaviors learned in therapy to your everyday life. They license medical doctors and psychiatrists to prescribe medication for mental health disorders.
In some cases, mental health psychiatrists will prescribe medication in combination with talk therapy as a treatment regimen for ROCD. Don't be surprised if your licensed mental health clinician refers you to a local partner or agency for medication management, as not all providers can legally dispense medication.
Getting support for ROCD
If you believe that the symptoms of ROCD match up with what you’ve been experiencing, know that you're not alone and there is nothing wrong with you. Managing your symptoms will require a commitment to attending scheduled therapy appointments, taking prescribed medications on time, and implementing other recommended changes that can help you improve your life's circumstances.
Taking part in modalities like CBT can help you learn how to implement new behaviors into your life as therapy gradually introduces them, and people with ROCD have multiple options for participating in therapy online.
You can use matching services like MyTherapist.com to get matched with licensed professional counselors in your area. This online therapy platform will connect you with a therapist licensed to practice psychotherapy within your state of residence.
When you choose online therapy as your preferred method of therapy with a licensed mental health professional, you have the option to take part in therapy sessions with qualified professionals, including psychologists, licensed professional counselors, marriage and family therapists, and licensed clinical social workers. Regardless of their official titles, therapy clinicians' roles are the same: providing treatment and relief for individuals and families living with mental illness issues.
They conduct online therapy visits via the Internet, so you'll need a strong connection and compatible device to get started. Clients connect with therapists online by desktop computers, laptops, tablets, and other mobile devices to conduct distance therapy sessions via video, chat, and SMS messaging. You can book virtual counseling sessions at convenient times, and online therapy is typically viewed as a more affordable alternative to face-to-face counseling.
If it makes sense for your journey, you can even participate in an online counseling session with your current relationship partner. Their insight may be able to help your counselor understand what triggers your obsessions or compulsions, and your counselor can work with both of you to recognize when compulsions are happening and how to prevent them.
Your partner may also feel validated that they have not been doing anything wrong; by understanding what you are struggling with mentally, they can adopt a more supportive stance and not take things personally when they feel you are “testing” the strength of your partnership.
Takeaway
Today, individuals living with ROCD have more options than ever before to get help managing their symptoms. While you may feel concerned about the future, nervous about your distressing thoughts, and doubtful when it comes to your own judgment and intuition, know that there are techniques you can practice in order to build trust in yourself and quell distressing notions.
The first consultation with a MyTherapist licensed counselor is free and may help you move in the right direction toward managing your symptoms. Reach out today to learn how to keep relationship OCD from eroding an otherwise fulfilling and meaningful relationship.
Frequently asked questions
What is relationship obsessive-compulsive disorder?
Relationship obsessive-compulsive disorder (ROCD), sometimes referred to as relationship OCD, is when a person lives with constant doubts about their relationship, questions their love for their partner, and spends a disproportionate amount of time investigating their partner's compatibility.
There is a difference between common relationship concerns and the issues faced by someone experiencing relationship OCD. Given that ROCD is a subset of OCD, it is normal for someone living with this disorder to exhibit standard obsessive-compulsive symptoms. With ROCD, it is common to see a relationship centered around doubts and questions about the rightness of the relationship.
Is ROCD a real thing?
As mentioned, any intimate relationship can have problems or concerns emerge for the duration of the relationship. With that said, ROCD is real, and the feelings and thoughts that someone experiencing this anxiety disorder may feel are legitimate. Obsessive-compulsive symptoms differ from common relationship concerns and are typically unbearable while using up substantial amounts of energy.
How do I know if I have relationship OCD?
Given that ROCD is a subset of OCD, many of the obsessive-compulsive symptoms are the same. Here are a few common ongoing romantic relationship feelings or concerns that may indicate you are experiencing relationship OCD:
- Constantly testing your own level of attraction to your partner based on how attracted you are to other individuals
- Feeling regular uncertainty about whether you are in the right relationship
- Comparing your current romantic relationship to a previous one
- Consistently questioning your relationship's rightness
While the symptoms may vary slightly from person to person, an intimate relationship plagued by worries of whether a person is right for you and anxiety stemming from these concerns is one of the most telling signs of ROCD.
What should you not say to someone with OCD?
If you know someone experiencing ROCD or related disorders, there are a few things you should refrain from saying to them. Perhaps the biggest thing you should never say to someone with OCD is to claim they do not have OCD. Obsessive-compulsive disorder is quite real, and accusing someone of not having it invalidates their feelings.
On the same line of thinking, refrain from telling a person with OCD to stop worrying about something. People living with OCD or ROCD cannot just stop thinking about something. Many living with this disorder have a relationship-centered and partnered-centered mindset that can’t just be switched off. While treatment is available, it’s a long and arduous process. Someone with related disorders cannot simply stop having their thoughts on a whim.
A lesser-known statement that is best not to say to someone experiencing a form of OCD is to mention if you had OCD in the past and overcame it on your own. Individual cases of OCD differ drastically, and just because one person was capable of overcoming the challenge on their own doesn’t mean everyone can without help.
How do I fix my OCD relationship?
There are a few ways to fix your OCD relationship and overcome negative ongoing romantic relationship feelings. First and foremost, therapy and medication can help someone start to overcome these thoughts and emotions. These treatments can help a romantic relationship become healthier and avoid a relationship centered on validation. On a more personal level, getting one’s partner involved through honest discussions and learning to spot the symptoms can help repair intimate relationships.
What does ROCD feel like?
ROCD can have many thoughts and feelings associated with the disorder. Typically, those experiencing ROCD in their romantic relationships find their relationship centered around preoccupation, doubts, and neutralizing behaviors. Many people living with ROCD have a relationship-centered and partner-centered preoccupation on “rightness.” Any action that can seemingly jeopardize that rightness in the mind of someone with ROCD may result in shame, anxiety, or persistent doubt throughout a romantic relationship.
Can ROCD go away?
Related disorders to OCD, including ROCD, are chronic conditions that won’t fix themselves and may not even be cured completely in some cases. However, the right treatment can subdue the symptoms of OCD and make living with the condition more manageable.
Those who have ROCD can still have successful intimate relationships with treatment and honest discussions with their partner. With hard work and dedication, ROCD and related disorders can stop being a disruption in a person’s romantic relationships and you can reduce the chance of a relationship centered on unhealthy emotions
How do I stop obsessing over someone?
A relationship based on obsession, or the “rightness” of the relationship, isn’t healthy. Oftentimes, those living with ROCD or related disorders can see some success in changing a relationship-centered on obsession by stopping comparisons, practicing mindfulness, and taking the time to address one’s own feelings and moving forward from them. It’s advised that a person experiencing related disorders try to remind themselves that they are a whole person, and so are others.
Can OCD make you question your relationship?
Can relationship OCD be diagnosed?
How does a person with ROCD behave?
What are pertinent questions to ask someone with ROCD?
What is it like to live with a partner who has relationship OCD?
How can you help a partner with OCD?
What are the most common daily challenges of people living with OCD?
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