If your relationship has been on the rocks lately, you may have started to ask yourself the question of "What to do in a relationship when you're not happy?" or "what to do in a relationship when you're bored." Many people had had thoughts like these when their relationships were going through a rough patch. Having these feelings is nothing to be ashamed of.
Instead of feeling guilty, try to get to the bottom of what's causing the rift between you and your partner. Has one of your work schedules recently changed? Or is there a new stressor in the relationship that's causing you to feel unhappy or bored? In this article, we answer the hard questions about intimate relationships, including - "What to do in a relationship break," What to do when you're not happy," and "What to do in a relationship when schedules change.
What To Do In A Relationship Break
It's not uncommon for dating and married couples who have been having escalating issues for an extended period to consider taking a break. If you and your partner have decided to take a break from your relationship to give each other space, establish guidelines for what behaviors are acceptable or unacceptable during the period of separation.
Be honest with yourself (and your partner) about the reasons for taking a break. Do you or your partner feel like you need personal space? Are you interested in dating someone new? While it may seem hurtful to establish these
What To Do When You're Not Happy
Are you feeling unhappy with your relationship lately? If you're starting to wonder if you made the right decision in choosing your partner, you may begin to feel unhappy. This is especially true in cases where relationships have been having ongoing issues. You may start to feel like you and your partner may never be happy together.
The first thing that you should do when you're feeling unhappy is to ask yourself why? What changes or improvements do you feel would make you feel better? Once you start to understand the answers to these questions, you'll be on the road to self-discovery that will guide your next steps. Is your unhappiness due to an issue with yourself, or with your partner? When you take a moment to reflect, you may be surprised at the answer that comes up.
What To Do In A Relationship When You're Bored
If you and your partner are feeling stuck in a rut, say so! Let your partner know how you're feeling, most likely they've been feeling the same way. Find a way to spice up your relationship by trying new things together. Visit places you've never been to or take a new route through your neighborhood. Many relationships get to the point of boredom when there are no breaks in the routine.
Child rearing and everyday adult responsibilities can affect how you feel about your relationship (and your life as a whole.) Spicing up your routine while making time for self-care will go a long way towards sparking new conversations with your partner and renewed interest in activities outside of the relationship.
What To Do In A Relationship When Schedules Change
Sudden or extreme schedule changes can shake up the foundation of even the most solid relationships. Both partners may be taken aback by the sudden or prolonged absence of their partner as they struggle to find new ways to fill the space. Managing schedule changes can be tricky. Both partners should sit down together to discuss realistic options for managing new schedules so that the relationship isn't left on the back burner.
Working spouses may feel stressed from the pressure of work and the added pressure of missing time with their partner or spouse. This can lead to internal frustration that may start to come up and cause problems in the relationship.
On the other hand, partners who stay-at-home or work fewer hours than their busier spouse may begin to feel neglected if schedules change, and they aren't able to spend the time that they used to with their partners. Both issues can lead to a build-up of resentment in your relationship if left unaddressed. In cases like these, seeking the advice of a licensed professional is a great way to get help figuring out how to manage a schedule change.
Relationship Counseling Is The Next Step
When you find yourself at a loss for what to do next about the troubles that you've been having in your relationship, the next step is to enlist the help and support of a neutral third-party. Having a third-party, unbiased point of view can help you and your partner discover the real issues behind the relationship disconnection.
Relationship counselors and coaches can provide struggling couples with insights on the relationship from a professional perspective. Licensed counselors can also provide counseling and support for relationships that are plagued by issues of mental health that are often the root cause for relationships quickly going south.
Many people today are struggling with undiagnosed mental health-related conditions like depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and bipolar disorder (BPD) that can wreak havoc on relationships if left untreated. There are free and paid options for couples and individuals seeking relationship counseling and mental health-related services online. More serious issues and relationships complicated by mental health concerns should be addressed by a licensed and certified mental health professional.
How To Get Started With Relationship Counseling
A quick Google search will yield a variety of results for free relationship counseling hotlines and services. There are even websites like 7 Cups of Tea that provide access to free listeners 24-hours a day to help individuals and couples begin to sort out their relationship challenges.
Aside from free relationship counseling hotlines and free listener services like 7 Cups of Tea, there are also affordable subscription-based options for professional relationship counseling services like BetterHelp.com
BetterHelp provides individuals, couples, and families with professional counseling services provided by licensed and board-certified professionals. The platform gives clients 24-hour access to highly-educated and trained professionals. The following licensed and board-certified professionals have over 2500 hours of clinical practice in their respective disciplines.
Marriage and Family Therapists (LMFT)
Clinical Social Workers (LCSW/LMSW)
Licensed Professional Counselors (LPC/LPCC)
Benefits Of Relationship Counseling Online
Individuals and couples are finding it beneficial to consult with online mental health professionals regarding key events and relationships in their lives. People not only take part in online therapy for life advice and guidance.
They can also get treatment and support for chronic mental health issues like anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) that may be contributing to the negative outcomes in their lives. The following are examples of how individuals and couples benefit from relationship counseling online.
New Insights - Couples learn to understand each other's point of view with the guidance of a neutral third-party (the therapist). Therapists can quickly intervene when couples are on the road to a misunderstanding and offer new language and insights on how to address issues.
Communication Skills - Many couples don't have formal communication training skills and are doing the best they can. A therapist can teach couples key relationship communication skills that can help couples to learn the cooperative language of "we" instead of using the passive-aggressive communication skills that are common to failing relationships.
Individual Counseling - Individuals who are suffering from undiagnosed mental health issues may be surprised to learn that they are exhibiting symptoms of chronic mental illness that are having a detrimental effect on their relationships. This understanding places these individuals in a unique position to seek counseling and support for both their relationships and concurrent mental health disorder.
Community Support + Advocacy - There isn't a much bigger relief than finding out you're not alone. People who subscribe to mental health services online join a network of mental health advocates and awareness experts that can provide guidance, advice, advocacy, and support resources for living with mental illness.
Renewal Of Self And Relationships - Now that you've taken positive steps in improving the quality of your life, you feel renewed as the quality of the relationships in your life continuously improves. This sense of renewal doesn't end with your relationship. It carries over into everything you do - now that you understand that you do have the power to facilitate positive change in your own life.
We've helped you answer the question "What to do in a relationship that's on the verge of a breakup. Now that you have a new perspective, you can look at your situation from a completely different point of view. Does it still feel like your relationship needs to end - or are there other positive changes that you and your partner are willing to commit to?
Counseling is one way to get a third-party perspective before making permanent decisions for the temporary negative emotions that failing relationships can bring out. Give yourself and your relationship a chance. Get in contact with a licensed relationship therapy professional today.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What do you do when you’re on the verge of breaking up?
When you’re not happy in your relationship and are on the verge of breaking up, there are a few things you can do to try to save your relationship. You and your partner should seek out relationship advice and counseling from a third party that will counsel you both individually and as a couple. Also, healthy relationships require open dialogue between partners in order for the relationship to last long term, so you must make communication a priority to resolve your conflicts in order to make the relationship work.
What are the signs of a breakup?
The signs you and your partner are on the verge of breaking up include your needs no longer being met, seeking those needs elsewhere, being scared to ask your partner for what you need from them, feeling obligated to stay, unresolved relationship problems that have lasted more than a year, and a dislike of your partner overall.
Is it normal to regret a break up?
Yes, it is normal to regret a breakup. The ending of long term relationships often leave at least one partner feeling pangs of regret. However, that doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice. If you encountered relationship problems that were beyond repair, were no longer happy in your relationship, and feel a sense of relief, you did the right thing.
Does going on a break mean breaking up?
Going on a break does not mean breaking up. Couples in long term relationships who go on a break are often on the verge of breaking up and take a designated amount of time apart to consider the future of the relationship (or if there is one). A break is often a measure taken to attempt to save your relationship. In some cases, one or both partners may have another romantic interest they’d like to test the waters with.
Source: Psychology Today
Can a relationship work after a breakup?
Yes, a relationship can work after a breakup for some couples, who go on to reconcile and have healthy relationships. In order to save your relationship and start again, you and your partner must forgive each other for any past shortcomings. Open communication and great conversation are also required in order to avoid falling into the mistakes of the former relationship that led to the breakup. And while you can’t change your partner, you can change yourself and any quirks that contributed to past relationship problems, which will fuel your new, strong relationship.
What is a toxic relationship?
Traits of a toxic relationship can be obvious, such as verbal, physical, or sexual abuse, or can be subtle, such as persistent unhappiness or feelings of resignation. Other signs include negative shifts in your mental health or personality.
Is he losing interest or am I overthinking?
If you suspect your partner is losing interest and potentially on the verge of breaking up with you, there are a few warning signs that may help you determine if you are overthinking or if he is indeed losing interest. If your partner makes plans without you and without your consent, or becomes disinterested in sex, your partner may be losing interest. Another warning sign is poor communication from your partner. Healthy relationships engage in strong communication and great conversation, so if your partner’s communication with you has dwindled, this could be a red flag.
How do you know if your relationship is worth saving?
It is worth it to save your relationship when both you and your partner are committed to growth and share the same values. Forgiveness of past transgressions is also a must to avoid long term resentment and re-build a strong relationship based on a fresh start.
Should you talk during a break?
You should not talk to your partner during a break. A break is meant to be time apart for you and your partner without contact. Seeking relationship advice in individual counseling may be an option for you during a break.
What percentage of breakups get back together?
Nearly 50% of couples get back together after a breakup. There are factors that determine whether the rekindled relationship will last long term the second time around. If there are unresolved negative feelings surrounding the breakup, or one or both partners isn’t committed to change, a second breakup is inevitable.