Exploring The Stages Of Grief

Updated March 24, 2024by MyTherapist Editorial Team

Grief can follow the loss of a loved one, job, or circumstance—anything that causes a drastic change in your life. This change can alter the ways you think and interact with others, and you may find yourself going through some stages of grief as you navigate your new normal. These stages of grief, which were first identified by psychologist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, describe the emotional experience people may go through when grieving. Initially, Dr. Kübler-Ross identified five stages of grief, but over time, these stages have been expanded, and many people acknowledge seven or more stages of the grieving process. 

In this article, we discuss the stages of grief experienced by people who have recently experienced a loss, as well as what you can do for yourself if you’re undergoing grief.

Types of grief 

The APA (American Psychological Association) dictionary defines grief as, “the anguish experienced after significant loss, usually the death of a beloved person.” Often, grief shows symptoms such as shock, numbness, disbelief, anger, sadness, disturbed appetite, and impacted sleep. Although this is usually not an easy experience, these things are a common experience and tend to lessen over time. Grief that meets the expectations of these common symptoms is sometimes called normal grief. However, this is not the only kind of grief there is. 

Other types include, but aren't limited to:

  • Prolonged grief
  • Delayed grief
  • Disenfranchised grief 
  • Anticipatory grief 

Professional support in the form of therapy can be advantageous for those who are going through a hard time, and it is proven by research to aid those experiencing prolonged grief and other grief-related concerns. 

The 5 grief stages: Understanding the process of grief

When you experience a loss, your mind and body process that loss as best they can. Some people can handle loss and recover quickly, while others take longer. Although the trajectory may vary from person to person, the five stages of grief identify common experiences, or stages, a person goes through following a loss of some kind. 

These are the five stages initially defined by Dr. Kübler-Ross:

  • Denial: The first—and perhaps most familiar—stage of grief that people often struggle with is denial. During the denial phase of grief, the person who has experienced the loss may deny that the loss happened. Even if they logically understand that the event occurred, it can feel surreal and as though it didn’t happen. The reality may not have set in yet. It is normal to experience this stage because it is a coping mechanism to combat overwhelming emotions.
  • Anger: During the anger stage, people become angry with who or whatever they perceive to be the source of the loss and may fantasize about getting revenge. During this stage, people may begin to become angry at themselves for not preventing the events that led to the loss. If the loss is a person, those left behind may also feel anger toward the person who left.
  • Bargaining: This is a stage of negotiation, perhaps even guilt. After a loss has occurred, it's natural to wish that things would return to the way they were. There may also be a lot of "if onlys," the feeling that things would be different "if only" things had gone differently. "Survivor's guilt" is common, too—a feeling of guilt for surviving something that others did not.
  • Depression: During the depression stage, a feeling of extreme loss and hopelessness can set in, and people may have less of a zest for life. When people go through this stage, they may experience signs of depression such as a loss of interest in activities, people, and situations that used to bring them joy.
  • Acceptance: This is the last stage of the 5-stage theory. During the acceptance stage, people who are grieving have usually gone through the other stages of grief and have come to terms with the loss they have experienced. They may even experience hope when looking forward
Getty/Vadym Pastukh
Healing From Grief Is A Long And Complex Process

Two more stages of grief

Over the years, those who have studied grief have come to believe that in addition to Dr. Kübler-Ross's five stages, shock and guilt should be added into the mix. Professionals who subscribe to the 7-stage theory believe that the two additional stages of grief need to be considered when providing diagnosis and treatment for people seeking grief therapy.

A synopsis of these two additional grief stages:

  • Shock: This is stage one in the seven-stage model. When a person experiences an unexpected loss, their mind and body can go into a physical state of shock, which can feel like numbness. This stage may pair with denial as, when you are in this stage, it often feels like what happened isn’t real. It can feel somewhat trance-like or as though you’re in an alternate reality. You might be on autopilot at first. “How could this have happened?” is the thought people tend to have at this time. 
  • Guilt: This stage can come after—or be part of—the bargaining stage (it can be completely separate, hence its definition as a discrete stage). It's common to feel guilty because you are living when someone else isn't any longer. Perhaps you think there's something you could have done to change the outcome of the loss. Some people might even feel as if the loss is a punishment being meted out for something they did. These are all distortions of the truth, and it's important to show yourself some grace as you sort through any guilty feelings.

When adding these additional steps, the seven-step model looks like this:

  1. Shock
  2. Denial
  3. Anger
  4. Bargaining
  5. Guilt
  6. Depression
  7. Acceptance
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Note that the stages of grief can happen in any order. You can also re-experience or return to a stage. There is no time limit on the effects of this experience, either. A person may recover quickly or undergo the pain of a loss for a lifetime. Underlying mental health factors can influence how someone experiences their loss. For example, if you have depression, OCD, or an anxiety disorder, symptoms may worsen or re-emerge. Some people develop PTSD following a traumatic event such as a loss. It may be necessary to see a qualified medical or mental health professional if your symptoms are ongoing, cause distress, or start to impact your life and daily functioning. 

A person who gets grief therapy may develop better coping mechanisms than someone who is trying to navigate the seven stages of grief with no support.

When to seek help

Grief is something that no one should have to go through on their own. Support from other people is proven to be beneficial for those facing grief. Surrounding yourself with support from friends, loved ones, support groups, and/or talking to a mental health provider can be helpful. 

While everyone does go through the stages of grief on their own time, people often get stuck between stages of grief and may need support to get to the next stage. When it comes to complicated grief, it may be extra important to reach out. Therapeutic interventions, particularly CGT (complicated grief treatment) can help.  

If you experience symptoms of any mental health condition, consider reaching out for help. Depending on the diagnosis, the recommendation of talk therapy and medication management is possible when concerns related to grief turn into, impact, or worsen mental health concerns like anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or bipolar disorder (BPD). Please note that any decisions about medication should be made through consultation with a physician.

The benefits of grief therapy: Support and navigation

As people naturally progress through the stages of grief without support, they may find themselves getting stuck in certain stages of the process. Going through the grief process with a licensed therapist provides a roadmap that can make it easier to progress through the stages of grief. A critical benefit of grief therapy is support. 

Getty/PeopleImages
Healing From Grief Is A Long And Complex Process

Grief therapy can help a bereaved person to process and sort their feelings out. This is one of the numerous benefits of this type of therapy—having a space to talk about your experiences. Grief therapy also aims to support someone as they go through each stage of grief in their own way, eventually getting to a stage where they can move on with their life.

Takeaway

Grief isn't easy. If you've suffered a loss, you need to give yourself time to go through the stages of grief—however they present themselves. You may be able to work through these stages with the support of family and friends. However, you may choose to seek help from a mental health professional, perhaps a grief therapist.

You can find a grief therapist by asking your doctor for a referral, looking at an online directory, contacting your health insurance company, or using a web search to find a provider who specializes in grief near you.

Another option is to look for help online. Many people have found comfort in getting help online. When you're going through a trauma such as a loss, it can be comforting to stay in familiar surroundings while getting the support you need. Online therapy can be done right from home.

Today's leading therapy platforms, like BetterHelp, provide those struggling with grief with an alternative to in-office therapy. No need for long drives or leaving home when you feel like this is the last thing that you can do. You do not need to go through grief and loss alone. 

If you're ready to seek help and support from a licensed professional online, contact a BetterHelp therapist. We're here for you in your time of need.

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