How Do I Find A Good Couples Therapist?

By BetterHelp Editorial Team|Updated April 18, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Lauren Guilbeault, LMHC

If you and your partner are having problems, it can often seem like nothing could ever work. Chances are you've tried things yourselves, right? You've tried making changes in your lives or in the way that you talk to each other. You've tried changing the way you do things together and around the house, but if nothing seems to be working, you may be considering throwing in the towel or just accepting that this is how things will always be. But neither of those options is good for either one of you, and there is something you can do about it. You can find a good couples therapist.

What Is A Couples Therapist?

A couple's therapist is someone that will work with you and your partner to help you better understand yourselves and each other as well as the relationship that the two of you have together. When you start to struggle in a relationship, it takes both of you to make changes and fix things, but it is possible to overcome just about anything if you're willing to work at it. The first thing you're going to need, however, is to be open and honest with each other. Even more important than finding a therapist agrees to be honest, even if it might hurt the other person. You can't move forward or fix anything if you're not honest about the problem first.

How Therapy Works

Your couples' therapist will help you and your partner get to the bottom of what's going on in your relationship. If you already know part of the problem that's a great start, but often there's something deeper going on that one or both of you might not even realize. That's when it's really important to be open with your therapist. Tell them about everything you're thinking and feeling and about the situations that happen that make you angry, sad, frustrated or anything else. Being in therapy, however, doesn't mean just airing all of your dirty laundries and leaving it at that.

It's also important to talk with your partner about all of the good things too. Be open and honest about all the things that you love about each other or all the things that your partner does that you like. Be willing to compromise on some issues and willing to look for new solutions to some of the others. It's important to understand that both of you have some fault in problems within your relationship and both of you are required to fix those problems. Even if your partner does something on their own to sabotage the relationship you can control your actions and your own responses.

Calling It Quits

That doesn't mean you'll always be able to work through problems. There will be some situations that you just can't get through as a couple, but the important thing is to work on yourself at the very least. If you and your partner decide that the best thing is to split up or if you decide that the only way for you to be healthy and happy is to walk away, that's okay. Getting therapy means that you'll be able to fully understand what's happening in the relationship and make a strong and informed decision about whether you can work it out or it's time to walk away.

If you do decide to walk away, that doesn't mean you should stop going to therapy. It means that you no longer need couples therapy, but individual sessions can help you come to terms with what happened in the relationship and how you can and should move on from this point. Getting over a relationship can be extremely difficult, and learning who you are after you're no longer a couple can be difficult as well. A therapist can help you with all of these different stages of the process and help you move on with your life in a healthy way that you can be happy with.

Getting The Help

If you're looking for someone that you and your partner can talk to you, want to look at all of the options. But your options could be quite limited if you're living in a small town or even if you're in a big city. No one likes to be limited and especially not when it comes to a mental health professional that you're going to be sharing all of your deepest, darkest secrets with, right? You want someone you can be comfortable with, and the three therapists in your hometown may not be a great choice for you. But there's another option, online therapy.

Online therapy is a newer method of getting the help that you're looking for without actually having to leave your own home. You and your partner can communicate with a therapist who lives anywhere in the country without having to worry about getting to the appointments. That's because all you have to do to make each of your appointments is log on to the website and check in. Whether you and your partner are home, or somewhere else, or even in different locations, you'll still be able to get in touch with your therapist.

My Therapist is one great way that you can reach out to a therapist entirely online, without having to worry about those in-person appointments. You'll be able to have the appointments and start getting the help that you're looking for in no time at all. It's a more convenient way to help yourself and your partner open up, and it's a great way to make sure you can make all of your appointments. You won't need to worry about going out of town or getting stuck in a snowstorm. You don't even need to worry about one or the other of you being away somewhere. Instead, you can just log on from wherever each of you is and still has your appointment.

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