Couples Therapy Helps You Understand Yourself

Updated January 03, 2020

Medically Reviewed By: Lauren Guilbeault

Why Couples Therapy?


When you and your partner are having a hard time understanding each other, couples therapy can help. That's for sure. But did you know that couples therapy can help you get to know who you are, too? It's not just about understanding your partner. It's a time to look inward and think about who you are and what you add to a relationship. There are things that you can discover about yourself when you talk to a couples counselor that never would've come to light otherwise. You have the opportunity to work on aspects of yourself such as how you communicate, how you manage your feelings, and what your strengths and weaknesses are. Your couples therapist and your partner are your accountability buddies. They can show you through observing how you communicate and what your actions are what you need to work on and demonstrate how that can happen.

Learning About Your Emotions In Couples Therapy

When you work with an individual therapist, one of the goals is to get emotional insight. Your therapist is there for you to bounce ideas off of and show you ways to cope with your emotions. It's all about you. In individual therapy, you might think a lot about how you relate to others, but it's in a vacuum. You talk to a therapist and discover more about who you are as a person, but in couples therapy, you're there with somebody who you see often and communicate with outside of a therapy setting on a regular basis. You can start to assess what your challenges and strengths are in the real world. Since your partner speaks to you frequently, if not daily, they can help you acknowledge behavior patterns and problems that a therapist might not have picked up on otherwise. Acknowledging these behavior patterns and challenges will help you tap into your emotions, learn about how you're feeling, and identify why you're feeling that way. Therapy is an open environment where you and your partner can bring up tough subjects in a way that is productive. If you have a healthy relationship, your partner wants you to be happy, and they will want to support you.

Understand How You Manage Anger


Anger is a complicated emotion. When you see an individual therapist, you might be working on anger management. It could be that your anger has gotten you into trouble and you want to understand it better so that you don't take it out on other people. That's understandable. It's a good goal to be able to learn using coping techniques for anger, and that is something that your therapist can help you manage. Anger can be a painful emotion to navigate when you're in a romantic relationship. Sometimes, when we're close to someone, we let our anger out without thinking about how we will affect the other person. It's not always pretty, and the closer you are with someone, the more volatile it can become. It is essential to learn how to manage your anger and communicate your feelings in a productive way, rather than a destructive one. A couples therapist will be able to help you do that.

Self-doubt In A Relationship

You might have some self-doubt about how you are contributing emotionally to your relationship. Maybe it's difficult for you to see a balanced perspective. You might believe that you aren't the best partner you can be and that makes you feel bad about yourself. All you can do is try your best. If your partner is not happy with the relationship, it's on them to tell you. If they do tell you, you can be receptive and work with them in couples counseling. But don't assume that something you're doing is upsetting your partner if you don't know. It's always best to ask. Honesty and communication in a relationship are vital, and couples counseling can help facilitate those two foundational elements. Being honest isn't always easy, and that's why a couples therapist is there to help you have the courage to speak your mind.

Ask Your Partner What They Need

If you don't ask, then you won't know the truth. Maybe you think that you're doing something that is upsetting your partner, but you don't know until you communicate with them. If you suspect that something you're doing is affecting your partner in a negative way, couples counseling is a safe space where you can discuss this issue. Maybe you're nervous about how they will react when you bring the topic up with them. That's where a couples counselor can help you. Address the issue in a session. Start by asking your partner if your behavior is upsetting them. You can even start by saying that you feel nervous talking about this issue. That's honest. Be open with your feelings. Nobody's perfect and relationships are certainly far from perfection. That's the beauty of couples therapy is that those imperfections can be worked out with the trained professional.

Learning To Accept Yourself In Couples Therapy

Individual therapy is a safe space where you work on your problems with your therapist. Couples therapy, on the other hand, Is also a safe space but it isn't just about you. You are working on your relationship with your partner and learning healthy ways for you to coexist and be happy together. One of the most challenging things about relationships is to compromise that it's never going to be your way all the time. It's also not going to always be about your partner's way all the time. When you see some of the ways that you are contributing to the relationship that aren't working, you can be a difficult thing to come to terms with and that is natural. Try not to beat yourself up about it. When a metaphorical mirror is held up to you, it can be uncomfortable to see that you don't like everything about yourself and that there are things that you want to change. In couples therapy, you're in a supportive environment where the counselor can help you work through the issues that you might be facing. They can help you improve the things that you don't like about yourself, and accept or even embrace the things that you can't change. It's time for you to believe in yourself and let yourself become the best person that you can be for both you and your partner.

Online Counseling For Couples


Online counseling is a great way for you to deal with complex emotional issues, and online couples therapy is where you and your partner can explore your emotional truths. Remember that you are half of the relationship and the more that you can accept yourself the better the relationship will be. An online couples counselor is there to help you see yourself in that proverbial mirror and stand still. You don't have to run away from who you are. In fact, the more you can accept who you are the better and healthier your relationship will be with your partner. Are you ready to try online couples counseling with your partner? Search for a couples counselor who can help you and your partner learn to appreciate each other.

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