Learn Where To Get Help For Intimacy Issues

Updated August 17, 2021

Introduction

Intimacy issues develop due to attachment styles in early childhood, relationship history, mental health, and others.

People who suffer from intimacy issues often have trouble getting close to others both physically and emotionally. People may believe that intimacy issues have no desire to interact or engage deeper because of their proximity issues. In most cases, this isn't true. People with intimacy issues are often paralyzed by their fears, whether it be rejection, avoiding a painful loss, or some other factor. In this article, we talk about dating someone who has intimacy issues, how to overcome issues with intimacy, and signs of issues with intimacy.

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Dating Someone With Intimacy Issues

If you've ever dated someone who had issues with intimacy, you know that it's no easy task. The main reason that people get together in intimate relationships is to be intimate and share intimate moments. What happens when the object of your affection has an issue with intimacy and closeness? Do you work to make the relationship a success or move on to a partner who has a little less baggage? Both of these are options.

In most cases, people who have established romantic relationships want to be in them for the long-haul, so they are willing to do the work it takes to help their partners overcome their intimacy challenges and find a middle ground. When people think about dating, relationships, and Issues with intimacy, the most common question that comes to mind is likely "How to help a man who has issues with intimacy?" Many people are surprised to learn that Issues with intimacy work both ways, and there are quite a few women who suffer from Issues with intimacy. Instead of asking the question of "How to help a man with intimacy issues?" - let's look at how to overcome issues with intimacy - for both men and women.

Signs Of Issues with Intimacy

People who have issues with intimacy often struggle with physical and emotional closeness. These people are not likely to be found showing overt displays of emotions or crying at the movies. In many cases, people who have issues with intimacy may seem cold or uninterested in the outside world. The opposite is true. People who have issues with intimacy usually don't even realize that they are pushing people away and sabotaging relationships.

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More obvious signs of issues with intimacy are an inability to share innermost thoughts, feelings, sexual enjoyment, and life experiences with another person. In most cases, this inability results from a previous encounter and not because the person who has issues with intimacy has decided they don't want to be close.

Intimacy boundaries are a defense mechanism that people use to prevent themselves from having negative experiences. When people experience negative or traumatic experiences, they may consciously or unconsciously decide to avoid ever having the traumatic experience again. As a result, any situations, people, or similar circumstances that remind them of the negative event are likely to cause the person with issues with intimacy to pull away or sabotage the relationship to keep it going any further.

This is true in the case of family relationships, intimate relationships, and even in your career. Your brain has developed its way of preventing you from feeling pain by building a wall between you and a potentially negative experience. The downside to this line of thinking is that not all of the experiences you have will be negative, and not all people you encounter who remind you of a certain person or event will behave in the same manner.

Issues with intimacy develop with maladaptive beliefs or incorrect thinking take hold as a defense mechanism or response to a negative outcome. For example, a person who has experienced rejection in their early childhood may erroneously believe that everyone that they become close to will reject them (like their parents did). This maladaptive belief sets people up for developing issues with intimacy as they shy away from any close relationships because they believe they will end.

Physical Intimacy Issues

People who suffer from physical issues with intimacy have a problem with developing or maintaining physical closeness. When someone suffers from a fear of physical intimacy on the inside, they may come across as apathetic or uncaring on the outside when it comes to displays of affection. These people have a hard time giving and receiving affection in the forms of hugging, kissing, holding hands, and sex. While people with issues with intimacy appear to be outwardly disinterested in giving or receiving physical affection - on the inside, they may crave or need physical intimacy more than someone who doesn't have these issues.

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When someone fears being physically affectionate or close, they are likely suffering from an underlying issue with emotional intimacy. While issues with physical and emotional intimacy can exist independently - they usually don't. People who suffer from issues with an intimacy usually suffer from both the physical and emotional spectrum.

How To Overcome Intimacy Issues

If you're wondering who is affected by Issues with intimacy - the answer people who are suffering from issues with intimacy themselves or people in relationships with them.

Issues with intimacy affect the families and children of people who have them. The person with intimacy issues may have trouble communicating with their intimate partners, families, children, employers. When issues with intimacy begin to have a noticeable impact on your quality of life - it's time to get help. The first step to overcoming issues with intimacy is to understand that they aren't your fault. If you're struggling with intimacy issues - more often than not, they are related to a personal trauma you've had in the past.

Some people suffer from issues with intimacy due to early childhood neglect, abuse, or witness to these incidents. Children who become traumatized at an early age can develop issues with intimacy as they lose trust in their environment or circumstances. As a result of trauma, children may become detached from important figures in their lives - especially their parents. If this issue isn't addressed in early life, these children can grow up to be adults with issues with intimacy. Once you become aware that issues with intimacy negatively impact your life and understand that they aren't your fault, the next step is to get counseling to cope.

Heal Intimacy Issues With Therapy

Many people struggling with intimacy and other mental health-related issues that impact their lives - don't realize that they can get help. People who struggle with these issues with intimacy may feel guilt at expressing their need for support. This is especially true of people who have convinced themselves that issues with intimacy are their fault. Licensed psychologists and other mental health professionals can help people with debilitating issues with intimacy to learn to cope and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

Board-certified therapists use methods like cognitive-behavioral therapy to teach people who have issues with intimacy new healthier beliefs. Cognitive-behavioral therapy operates on the principles of maladaptive beliefs, reward, and punishment. These brain-based therapists believe that maladaptive beliefs can be unlearned using a reward and punishment system that causes the brain to develop new neural pathways - and thereby new solutions to chronic problems.

To date, cognitive-behavior therapy has shown high success rates and is used by psychiatrists, therapists, counselors, social workers, and other mental health professionals. Cognitive-behavior therapy aims to teach people suffering from mental health issues that they can think more productive thoughts and experience less suffering in their lives as a result. Cognitive-behavior therapy is one treatment method that a therapist may use when treating emotional and physical issues with intimacy.

Depending on what other issues are present, a mental health professional may advise that you need medication to manage your issues with intimacy. This can occur when therapy assessments and sessions indicate that a chronic mental illness like anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or bipolar disorder (BPD) issues are also a factor.

Together, you and your therapist will determine the best course of action for you based on your life circumstances. Today's therapists are available to provide therapy and other mental health treatments online. Having access to therapy online makes it easier for people who need mental health support to reach out and find qualified providers within their state of residence. Let's look at online therapy options.

Online Therapy Options

Today's mental health clients are taking comfort in getting mental health therapy online. Gone are the days of long commutes or embarrassing waiting room conversations. You can chat with a therapist in the privacy and comfort of your own home. The best part is today's online therapists offer affordable rates online.

This means that anyone who needs therapy can gain access to therapy at a cost they can afford. Leading therapy providers like BetterHelp.com offer unlimited weekly therapy sessions starting at just $40.00 - $70.00 per week. Sessions with in-office therapists can cost as much as $200.00 an hour (or more), depending on your city and state of residence.

If you're ready to start healing your issues with intimacy, reach out to a BetterHelp certified therapy expert today!

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

What are the 4 types of intimacy?

While many people assume that intimacy refers to physical or sexual closeness, intimacy actually comprises four main components: emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical. Emotional intimacy involves sharing how you feel with someone else, while mental intimacy happens during lively conversations or mutual enjoyment of a certain activity. Spiritual intimacy reflects two people’s common values, beliefs, or spiritual practices and does not have to be religious in nature. Finally, there is physical intimacy, in which two people feel comfortable in physical proximity. This includes a broad spectrum of touch, from handshakes to hugs to sexual intercourse.

How do you date someone with intimacy issues?

Fear of intimacy can take many forms and affect any gender. Some people may feel okay with touch but less comfortable with emotional intimacy. For others, it’s the opposite. Intimate connections also fall on a broad spectrum with varying levels of intensity. Some people with intimacy issues may feel comfortable sharing their interests and activities but balk at the thought of having deep conversations about their history or aspirations.

If you are dating someone who experiences issues with intimacy — or would like to — remember that there is no definitive form of intimacy. Fear of intimacy signs can be very different from person to person.

Therefore, it’s important to know your partner’s boundaries and understand their love language. Allow them to express their affection in a safe way for them, and consider how your own needs align with theirs. For example, if your love language is touch, but your partner has issues with physical intimacy, don’t take their reluctance to have sex as a sign they don’t like you. Most of all, never weaponize their issues with intimacy. If your partner is seeking therapy, be supportive and remember that their issues may take time to resolve. In the meanwhile, you can still find ways to enjoy each other’s company by prioritizing communication and mutual respect.

How do you know if you have intimacy issues?

A fear of intimacy looks different in everyone who has it. As a general guideline, you may be experiencing intimacy issues if you struggle to be vulnerable with a relationship partner. That could be a friend, romantic partner, or family member. You may feel nervous about expressing your thoughts or feelings or behaving in a certain way, or coming into close physical contact with someone. Note that there is nothing wrong with not wanting to spill your guts to strangers or have sex on the first date. These preferences are not necessarily signs of intimacy problems.

However, if you’ve experienced strife in your relationships, if people have told you they want you to open up to them more, or if your fear of being vulnerable prevents you from having intimacy in a relationship, you may tend to avoid intimacy. It could be a good idea to talk to a counselor about your intimacy concerns.
How do you know if a guy has intimacy issues?

Both men and women can experience intimacy issues, and there is not always a clear sign. Some people may have a different love language than you. This can make it seem like they have intimacy issues, but they actually prioritize other forms of expression. It is normal to have a partner who prefers to express their affection sexually rather than verbally — or the opposite!

To know if your partner has intimacy issues, ask yourself if they seem able to be close to you, whether physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or mentally. Do they share their deepest desires and fears with you? Do they lean on you for advice or support? Remember that sexual intimacy is just one sub-type of physical intimacy.

Intimacy is a mutual experience. So, if you feel like your partner is unwilling to express vulnerability or that they don’t understand your attempts at intimacy, have a conversation about it. It could be intimacy issues, or it could be a difference in love languages.

Why does intimacy freak me out?

If you’re uncomfortable with intimacy, there could be several factors at play. The first thing to ask yourself is what types of intimacy are challenging for you. Are you struggling to connect emotionally with potential friends and dates? Does sexual contact make you nervous? Think about various situations in which being vulnerable or close to someone would be uncomfortable for you. Then, take note of your feelings and emotions.

Fear of intimacy signs include negative self-talk and catastrophizing. Some people tell themselves that they are not worthy of love and intimacy, so they avoid vulnerable situations where they could be rejected or hurt. Others imagine that something bad will happen if they are intimate. Be honest about your self-talk and consider speaking with a counselor to address possible intimacy issues.

How do you build emotional intimacy with a man?

It is a common myth that men derive intimacy from sex while women only want sex after intimacy has been established. Another popular idea is that men associate intimacy with sex while women prefer emotional connection. Many people also believe that most men fear intimacy. None of these are true. According to research, both men and women experience stronger sexual desire due to higher intimacy levels, and there are no gender differences between them.

Therefore, the best means of building intimacy with a man or a woman is to engage with them honestly and fully. Take turns sharing your daily thoughts and experiences. Be vulnerable, whether that means telling your partner your hopes and dreams or discussing your fears and insecurities. In relationships with emotional intimacy, both partners feel comfortable expressing themselves, and they feel supported by the other person. It can also be very helpful to practice daily affirmations and give compliments. This builds a good foundation of trust for further intimacy.

What does intimacy feel like?

Intimacy can take many forms, but it always involves a higher level of closeness than you would have with a random stranger. For example, you are probably more comfortable venting about a bad day to a family member, partner, or best friend than you would to a fellow bus passenger. Intimacy allows you to feel safe even when you’re vulnerable, whether that’s expressing your biggest fears and worries or sharing your deepest passions and dreams.

When you have intimacy with someone, you feel like you can trust them with your thoughts, feelings, experiences, and/or body. You feel a mutual sense of support and appreciation and may say things such as “They’ve got my back” and “I’m here for you.” It’s important to note that intimacy is not limited to physical affection or sexual contact. Rather, it is part of the foundation of trust that you can build with another person.

What does emotional intimacy look like?

Emotional intimacy emerges between two people when they are comfortable sharing their feelings in an honest and detailed way. It involves a strong sense of trust even in moments of vulnerability. Both people feel invested in the other’s feelings, and there is often a give-and-take of expressing those feelings and listening to your partner express their own. Emotional intimacy is more than “spilling your guts” to someone, although that can happen in intimate situations. Rather, it happens when one trusts another person enough to express deeply held emotions and see that person as emotionally available.

How do you restore emotional intimacy?

Emotional intimacy may degrade over time if there is a violation of trust or if either person is not emotionally available. According to research, both men and women regard emotional accessibility as the primary success factor in a relationship. Emotional intimacy happens with practice, so both people must be willing to express their feelings and vulnerabilities to restore them.

Unfortunately, emotional intimacy problems can be difficult to overcome and may have nothing to do with a current relationship. Because intimacy issues are a defense mechanism against potential pain, emotional intimacy can only be restored when both people in a relationship trust each other to provide pleasure and support rather than pain. To restore emotional intimacy, it can be helpful to practice daily affirmations, spend time talking about each other’s experiences and emotions, and use “I” statements when arguing, rather than engaging in “the blame game.”

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Learn Where To Get Help For Intimacy Issues

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